yesterday i headed up
the coast, my body
suspended in air.
it was the trick
of a Lycoming engine
that kept me up there.
and as i went north,
each mile gone by,
i wondered if you
were in the sky
but i don’t know:
DAY 14 OF THE SEPTEMBER POETRY SERIES.
Today’s poem is one written while falling asleep. What? Yes. You read this correctly. Today has been a very long day, composed of four hours of class, a three-hour flight, and a constant hungry stomach whining at me. So before I pass out for twelve hours, I wrote this little poem for Day 14.
Truth be told, I’m not in the mood to analyze right now, so I’m not going to. But I just want to say thank you guys as always for going on this journey with me, and I apologize if my material has been lackluster as of late. If anything, this series is teaching me that discipline is well-intentioned, but it does not always bring positive results.
Hopefully there will be something to analyze tomorrow!
I want to be Sylvia Plath, words
slipping from my mouth in hopeless
abandon, aware of the mania,
craving the solitude of my mind.
I want an emerald pool filled
with money, so that my fingertips
are stained jealous jade, my nose
inhaling the scent of luxury.
I want a house, hidden in pines
and forest, a bright springtime
racing across the lawn, flowers
in bloom, and the scent of spruce.
I want a diamond engagement ring,
and the boy who will give it to me,
his eyes a cool, calm green,
two eclipses of satisfying luck.
I want what I can’t have,
and that’s what makes me coil
with envy, a serpent slithering,
just a soul withering in the soil.
Hello, my dear readers. This poem was written for creative writing class in December 2018. The poem is meant to cut into the “big” aspects of life: power, money, success, love, and jealousy. I’m not exactly sure how I was inspired to write this one; it just came to me. Maybe I was in a particularly envious mood. Who knows. However, I think this poem can apply to everyone. Jealousy is not a pretty trait, and we must all work on finding our happiness through what we already have–rather than what we want.
I didn’t write this poem to complain about what I want; I wrote this poem to expose what I see are the things that drive our actions. We all desire success in some shape or form, and that can be problematic. It can affect our outlook on life, and for some it will make things unbearable in the long run.
Therefore, let’s learn to be selfless. Let’s not focus on I want I want I want. We are all blessed by things in our lives that others covet, and we all struggle with things greater than ourselves. Let’s learn to be compassionate and not wither away, because selfishness does that to us. It’s a blight on crops, and it’s a toxin in our veins. An emotional toxin, so to speak.
Don’t let your selfishness rot you dry.
All right, my beautiful readers. I hope you enjoyed reading this poem, but now I’m off to do more studying.
1: the cessation of operation usually of a jet or rocket engine also: the point at which burnout occurs
2a: exhaustion of physical or emotional strength or motivation usually as a result of prolonged stress or frustration
b: a person suffering from burnout
HELLO, my dear readers.
I hope you are all having an amazing day. Can you believe it is already the middle of February? Wow! There are so many incredible things just around the corner, and I can’t wait to hear your updates and read your blog posts.
Today’s blog post is going to be a little different. This is going to be an “emotions” post, where I update you guys on how I am feeling in life and whatnot. Writing has always been a therapeutic activity for me, as I’m sure it is for you, and I love being able to use this outlet to jot out my thoughts and receive feedback from you guys. Thank you, as always, for your gracious comments and prayers for me. ❤
And without further ado, I’ll just state it simply: I’m on the verge of burnout.
Burnout is a terrible feeling. It’s when things aren’t going your way, and you find that the things that once made you happy aren’t doing you justice anymore. It’s ruthless and powerful.
As humans we experience a wave of emotions. Sometimes we’re propelled into outer space, we’re so happy; others we are in valleys void of water, and droughts bloom in our hearts. Though I think we all hate the droughts while we’re in them, it makes that taste of water that much better. Growth isn’t possible without both highs and lows, and this is something I try to focus on when I’m on the verge of burnout.
So what’s going on? Why am I feeling this way?
I can trace the beginning of it to last week, when my friend group got into a massive argument. While things are better now, this argument exposed a deep fracture in these relationships, and as an INFP I have been really affected by how things are not what I thought they were. I value loyalty and friendship above most things, but not when it destroys my happiness.
These thoughts may seem harsh, but I cannot stand drama. As a person who always takes the middle of the road approach, I’ve found myself on a ledge where no one else is. From being in the middle, I have found myself pulled in two directions, and I’m tired of it. I’m sick of the sting of selfishness. And people are the way they are.
Though I want to find fault in others, I know part of the blame belongs to me for how I handle things. I allow people to walk all over me, because I want to help others in all I can, though this causes pain and hurt in my own walk. We can only carry so much before collapse. I’m sure some of you guys can relate.
As a result of this friend group problem, I have started to analyze the situations around me. There are certain aspects of my life that are absolutely incredible, things I would never change, but there are others that leave seeds of doubt in my brain. I hate wasted time, and I feel as if a lot of it is vanishing before my eyes.
However, I value so many relationships outside of this situation, the people who have listened to me talk nonstop about these frustrations. My family is an integral part of this, and without them I know things would be so much worse. Plus, you guys have also contributed to helping me through this state of anger, and again it means the world to me that you have chosen to listen. 🙂
And to clarify… Flying has given me an outlet to escape my college world. It is the thing that keeps me grounded right now, though the weather has been pretty terrible in Southern California in the past few months. However, the sun always comes out in the end!
If you guys are also going through burnout, just know that eventually it will end, and things will return to normal. However, we have to be willing to do things to relax our frazzled brains. We have to repair ourselves in order to find happiness, and if this means cutting out certain relationships or activities, we must do it to gain ourselves once more.
The truth: Things will change.
Until next time,
P.S. Life is great. Though I am hurt in some aspects, I am very happy in others! ❤
Lately I’ve been on a serious publishing kick. It’s only been a few weeks since I self-published The Forever Optimist, my attempt at chick lit. However, only a few days passed, and I was bitten by the bug once more.
So, without further ado, I’m announcing the self-publishing of my novel, Dark Descent, my first true attempt at the science fiction-horror genre. I wrote it around a year ago, and it has just been sitting around, collecting dust, and that’s not what I write for. I want people to read what I have to say, and I’m super excited to hear the reaction in comparison to my lighter, happier novels.
To celebrate, I thought I would answer a few questions about the book and its relevance in my life right now. Now, again, I don’t normally write as dark as, well, Dark Descent, but I think this is one of my best books. I really like it–and I hope you do too!
WHAT’S IT ABOUT?
Dark Descent is not your typical Katie George novel. I don’t want to ever stereotype my writing, because I love bending genres and writing what I want to write. There are some months where I want to delve into serendipitous romance, and others when I want to examine gritty drama.
This novel, therefore, is what happens when I up and move two thousand miles away from home, away from the people I love most in the world. The truth is that what I write and the tone with which I write can be traced back to my subconscious. When I read Dark Descent now, I can see how upset and homesick I was. And though California isn’t necessarily Argentina (haha), a Southern girl like me was experiencing some tremendous culture shock in a state about as polar opposite as Tennessee.
When I moved to California, I expected happiness and sunshine and kismet and palms and, of course I can move two thousand miles away, no problem. Except that I’m very close to my family and friends in Tennessee, and it kills me when I am away from them.
So, I was a little angsty and a lot inspired, and to compare my writings at the beginning of freshman year and the end of freshman year–there are some differences. I started class in September, and I completed The Forever Optimist in October or November of 2016. Ironically, my optimism was severely dampened, and I became a bit of a pessimist.
I wanted to write something dark, something that played with my mind, and I wanted it to reflect my mindset.
Dark Descent was born. It is a novel about senseless wealth and greed. It is a novel about what love really is, and what it isn’t. It’s about friendship and boredom and horror and shallow humanity. It also dives into the strength of the human heart.
Two college girls are supposed to be having the time of their lives in Malibu, California, but there is a catch: Something has been watching them the whole time. Something sinister waits for them in one of the crusted-out canyons of the Santa Monica Mountains. And when things start to unravel, somehow these two are forced to seek refuge at an opulent oasis to survive the night.
Is it apocalyptic? Maybe a little. Is it symbolic? Totally, one hundred percent. Is it my best book? No, but I think it has a solid nucleus. I am proud of it because I was being as honest as I could be as I was writing it.
A LITTLE INSPIRATION…
So, yes. I wasn’t having the best time when I wrote it. I felt suffocated as a writer as I lived on-campus. To write, I need space and time and dedication, and I would have to track down an empty closet to clear my head. Most of the book was written in a roach-infested closet, and it wasn’t the most therapeutic experiences of my life, but it produced some interesting results.
I remember calling my dad constantly, asking for his opinion on the novel’s direction, and how I could better improve it. I wanted to impress him with the book, and I knew something like Dark Descent would appeal more to male readers than my previous romances. Therefore, I was excited to showcase my ability to write for both men and women, and I want to constantly push myself into different genres, for different viewership, etc.
WHY PUBLISH IT NOW?
So, it has been about a year since I’ve written the book. I went ahead and sent it to a few literary agents after I completed it, because I wanted to see if there was a chance I could see my book in writing. However, I didn’t send it to many agents, and I don’t think this book should be traditionally published. While I think it is one of my better books, I still have a long way to go as a writer, and deep in my heart, I want my first real novel to be something extraordinarily important, something that pushes boundaries and creates true beauty.
This novel is not that.
This novel is for hard times, and it’s not a feel-good book. It’s creepy and weird and fits how I felt at one point in my life. I will always be able to look back and judge how I felt at a particular point in my life solely based on how I wrote during that time period.
I published it because I don’t want it to collect dust any longer. I want people to read it and give me their feedback, especially if I choose to return to the science fiction genre in the future. 🙂
SOME THANK-YOUS ARE IN ORDER!!
I would love to thank you for reading this post and all my other posts as well. As you know by now, I’m writing all the time, and I’m not interested in making money from this. (I mean, it would be great, but when you love something, you love something). Therefore, you’re part of my life as an undiscovered writer. Maybe, one day, we’ll both be able to look back at this and remember when I wrote on a blog that I barely can remember to write, but who knows. This world is crazy and amazing and sometimes fair and others unfair, and I’m just happy that I can write. I’m happy that I can type out a bunch of words five thousand miles away from home, and still count on being heard in my home country. I can be count on being heard in new countries around the world.
I’ve seen views from Poland, South Korea, Canada, Argentina, etc. That is insane to me. How incredible that I can write this blog, and people literally from around the world can listen to me. That is amazing!
Thank you again. I really appreciate your reading this, and I hope you can enjoy my books as much as I enjoy writing them. For the fans out there… I plan on writing more. Lots more. 😉